Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
