connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
