I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
