You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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