all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
