Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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