Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
