Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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