I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
