chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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