I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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