Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize