My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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