I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just found puke in my bra..
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
