So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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