I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
