no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
