ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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