Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
