I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
