Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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