So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
