I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
