Pappa wants mamma naked
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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