i was rollin on her like bob the builder
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
