good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
