i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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