you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He's on the porch naked. Help.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize