Sry I called you an 8
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
