I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
