Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
