Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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