ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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