none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
