i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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