dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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