I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
