whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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