I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
