She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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