at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
