Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
