Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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