Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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