You just made me feel so damn special
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
