Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
