Do you still have your period?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
