Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
