I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
