he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
