Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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