I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
