you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
