is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
