when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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