I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
