Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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