I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I could fuck to npr.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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