I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhhâ€
Randomize