No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
