I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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