About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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