Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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