Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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