Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
