but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
