WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
