I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
