Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
