Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
