I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize